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  • Samuel Hunter

69s are overrated

Unpopular opinion: 69s are seriously overrated.

I feel like they entered into our consciousness in our teen years, when everything sex related was exciting and for the most part, taboo. We probably also figured it was one of the '23 positions in a one night stand'.


But sex shouldn't be performative. Sex, and all the myriad forms that term encompasses, is about pleasure. Mutual pleasure between both consenting parties. And while a 69 sounds like it perfectly embraces that mutual pleasure, it tends to fall short on both fronts. Giving pleasure while receiving at the same time surely falls into that category, but it does miss out on the most important part of sex: Mindfulness.

Being present is a crucial element of pleasure and sensation awareness. Being mindful of what your partner is doing to you, be that going down on you or simply running their fingers down your thigh, only further enhances the sensation. The same too goes for giving pleasure to your partner. You need to remain present in the moment, so you can sense how they're reacting to what you're doing. Being mindful means you're attentive to their breath, and how it changes, how their body reacts to your touches. And if you're like me, all this input from your partner creates a much deeper arousal in yourself, because what's more of a turn on than seeing, hearing and feeling the pleasure you can give to another.

All this is why I think 69s are overrated. Neither partner can be truly mindful to both giving and receiving pleasure at the same time. 69s feel like something invented by time-poor couples to rush through the 'foreplay' by condensing mutual oral sex into one efficient act.

Slow it down. Enjoy going down on your partner, relish their expressions of pleasure. Savour them going down on you. Don't think about what's next, or the list of chores. Be mindful. Be present.


NB: I'd also like to note that no sexual acts should feel the need to be reciprocated. If you go down on your partner, that doesn't mean you should assume they have to go down on you.

Also, I use the word 'foreplay' as this is terminology most people use, but by doing so suggests that these acts are before the main event, penetrative sex, which is neither a requirement for sex, nor does it need to be the climactic event that brings the play session to an end.


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