Keeping things interesting

I usually answer these anonymous questions via my Instagram stories, but this one required a longer answer than that platform can allow. The question asks:

"General question. When you see a reg, do you feel that you should change things up a little or just stick with what’s worked before? Given that this is a relationship of sorts, is it not important to keep things fresh and interesting? Or do you see your role as just doing what you’ve always done?"

First of all, it is a relationship, as defined by the Oxford Dictionary: the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected.

I also gave this question some thought a few years ago, when it was coming up to the first anniversary of seeing my (still) longest client. Would they get bored with what we did together, would we fall into long monogamous relationship sex? Thankfully, there is a super easy way to figure this out.

Ask them.

Throughout my site and on socials and in the media, you will see I talk about sex being organic. There might be a playbook of what can happen in a play session, but there are plenty of variables within that. It doesn’t go by a script. All those other fun things that can happen outside of those offered in a standard date, there’s also plenty of things that can be explored.

However these need something more. Most need planning, but more importantly, they need communication. Exploring fantasies, the multitudes of BDSM, threesomes, anal play. These need to be discussed in advance, in a safe space. And that refers to safety on both our parts. The longer you know someone, the more time you spend with them, the safer you feel to explore such things, and safe to even ask about that exploration. 

So yes, I ask. I see if they are happy with our time together, if they feel it is getting stale, if there is anything else they want to try in our time together. Because having a safe space to communicate and maintain ongoing consent is what makes the hottest time of all.

We can all (mostly) give ourselves orgasms.There’s more to sex and companionship than this. So variations of ‘What’s worked before’ is often more than fine for both of us. I believe it is the intimacy of touch and kissing that draws clients to return (and my dad jokes of course).